suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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