I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need moral support for this bender
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
