he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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