Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
