There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
