no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
