i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
