areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We are all done wearing pants today
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
