at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
