Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
