i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
