but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you win again, gameday.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
