Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
