the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
