I faked an abortion last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
