Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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