ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
