All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
