All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
