White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
