did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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