dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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