i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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