oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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