I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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