so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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