i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
