Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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