I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
