last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
