I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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