I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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