Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
