And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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