she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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