I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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