Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
