She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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