Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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