You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
