I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
