When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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