Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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