We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
