If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
