A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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