i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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