If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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