possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
