Plan B is the new Plan A
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
