Duck Duck Cougar?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
