I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
